💬 How to Communicate Like a Superhuman (or at Least a Bit Better Than Yesterday)

A reflection on better communication, inspired by Mel Robbins’ podcast with Charles Duhigg

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So, I was walking the dog and listening to the Mel Robbins podcast today (therapists tend to do a lot of walking and thinking!), and I popped on an episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast. Her guest was Charles Duhigg, the author of The Power of Habit, and he was chatting about his new book, Supercommunicators.

Now, I love a good podcast – especially when it makes me rethink something I thought I already understood. And communication? It’s one of those things we all think we’re good at… until we realise we’re often talking at cross purposes.

According to Duhigg, every conversation fits into one of three types. The trouble is, most of us don’t actually know which one we’re in — and that’s where the problems start.

Here’s what I took away from it 👇

🛠️ 1. The Practical Conversation

“What’s this really about?”These chats are all about tasks, plans, sorting things out. Who’s picking the kids up? What’s for dinner? Where are my car keys?

✅ When this works: You stick to the facts and get stuff done.🚫 When it goes wrong: One person’s talking logistics, the other’s talking emotions — and neither feels heard.

Therapist tip: If someone’s getting upset during what feels like a simple plan-making convo, pause and ask: “Is there something else going on here?”

💬 2. The Emotional Conversation

“How do we feel right now?”This is the heart stuff: feelings, worries, joys, fears. It’s about being seen and supported.

✅ When this works: You feel closer, more connected, heard.🚫 When it goes wrong: One person tries to ‘fix’ things instead of just listening.

Therapist tip: Sometimes all someone needs is: “That sounds hard — I’m here.”

👥 3. The Social Conversation

“Who are we in this moment?”These ones are a bit trickier to spot. They’re about roles, belonging, identity. Think: “Am I being respected here?” or “Do I still matter to you?”

✅ When this works: We feel understood in a deeper way.🚫 When it goes wrong: We feel unseen, dismissed or like our identity’s under threat.

Therapist tip: In couple’s work, this shows up all the time. Who gets heard? Who does the emotional heavy lifting? It’s not always what’s said — it’s what’s underneath.

🧠 So… what now?

Here’s the simple (but powerful) idea:If you’re stuck in a conversation — or if it’s getting tense — stop and ask:

👉 What kind of conversation are we having?👉 Am I responding in the same way they’re reaching out?👉 Can I slow down and really listen?

Supercommunicators, Duhigg says, aren’t born. They just learn to spot the type of conversation they’re in — and respond accordingly.

🎁 Takeaway from the Therapy Chair:

You don’t have to be perfect at communicating (none of us are!). But if you can start to notice the shape of the conversation you’re in — and adjust how you show up — you’ll connect more deeply and avoid a lot of crossed wires.

🧡 Whether it’s with your partner, your kids, or your boss — slow it down, listen more, and be curious.

Thank you for taking the time to read this newsletter.I hope it offered something useful or thought-provoking for your day. If you found it helpful, I’d really appreciate it if you shared it with someone who might benefit from it too. It's a simple way to show care and support for those around you.

Really glad to have you here—see you next time!

With gratitude,

Lavinia

Psychotherapist & Curious Human