Here’s a look at some common relationship myths and why they’re misleading. Discover the truth behind each one and build skills to strengthen your connection.
Couples often face similar challenges regardless of background, culture, or ethnicity: feeling unheard, unappreciated, and disconnected. Many couples question if they “have what it takes” to thrive together. Research, however, reveals which relationship dynamics can be improved and which often signal deeper issues. For most changeable patterns, effective tools are rooted in habit science, can be implemented in just minutes a day, and often challenge what we’ve been taught about relationships.
How to Overcome Seven Outdated Relationship Myths
Myth 1: Never Go to Bed Angry
The idea of always resolving conflict before bed can lead to exhaustion and poor outcomes. Instead, give yourselves permission to pause. Reassure each other that you’ll discuss it the next day, and schedule a specific time to reconnect. This way, you’re choosing to address the issue thoughtfully rather than in the haze of a late night.
Myth 2: Intimacy Always Declines in Long-Term Relationships
Who says intimacy has to fade over time? Build connection and romance into daily life. Schedule regular date nights and alternate who plans them. This simple practice can add excitement, novelty, and even playfulness to your relationship. If you’re looking for inspiration, check out free online resources for stay-at-home or night-out date ideas that offer unique and fun options for couples.
Myth 3: Certain Issues Like Money or Social Media Will Break You Up
According to Dr. Gottman, the number one predictor of divorce is actually contempt. Negative interactions can become a habit, but by building appreciation, you can shift the dynamic. Try establishing a ritual where, each night, you take turns expressing three to five things you appreciate about each other. This practice can help keep positivity alive, especially during conflict.
Myth 4: Open Communication is the Solution to Every Problem
Open communication is critical, but timing matters. Before sharing something important, check in to see if it’s a good time. Ensure your partner isn’t in the middle of work or a task, so they can be fully present. If it’s a conflict, remember that our critical thinking declines as the day goes on. Tackling serious topics earlier in the day can lead to more constructive conversations.
Myth 5: Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
Sometimes “small stuff” matters. Rather than dismissing it, recognize differences in how each partner processes emotions. One partner may compartmentalize (like a waffle), while the other makes connections everywhere (like spaghetti). Understanding these differences can build empathy. (Note: This differs from being consistently dismissed, which should be addressed with professional support.)
Myth 6: Always Talk Things Through OR Don’t Make a Fuss
Often, one partner wants to resolve things immediately, while the other needs space. The solution? Agree to take “Time-Outs” when conflict arises, but set a specific length—perhaps 20 minutes to an hour. Use this break to reset, but commit to reconnecting afterwards to discuss the issue. If one partner isn’t ready yet, they can let the other know, “I’m here, but I need more time,” or “I’m here, and ready to talk.”
Myth 7: Compromise is the Key to a Healthy Relationship
Compromise often suggests that each partner gives something up, which can lead to resentment. Instead, try Dr. John Gottman’s The Art Of Compromise exercise. Each partner identifies flexible and inflexible areas to ensure that both of your core needs are honoured. From there, you can brainstorm creative solutions that work for both.
Final Thoughts
Changing relationship patterns takes time, but by challenging outdated myths and practising new skills, you can create a stronger, more connected relationship. It’s never too late to learn the science-backed tools for deeper love and understanding.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this post! If you found it helpful, I’d be incredibly grateful if you’d consider sharing it with others—it’s a small gesture that means a lot. Thank you for being here!
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