A slow and gentle dive into the G and G
Our parents are our first teachers, role models, and protectors. From the moment we enter the world, they shape much of who we become through their actions, words, and even their silences. While parents undoubtedly strive to do their best, they are human, too—imperfect and shaped by their own histories. In the intricate dance of parenting, they often give us profound emotional gifts but also, inevitably, leave behind gaps.
The Emotional Gifts
Some of the most enduring gifts parents can give are intangible. They include the love that assures us we are valued, the encouragement that teaches us to believe in ourselves, and the security that allows us to explore the world with confidence. These gifts can be foundational, helping us develop resilience, empathy, and a sense of belonging.
For example, a parent who listens attentively to a child’s worries can instil a lifelong belief in the value of their voice. Similarly, a parent who models kindness or perseverance can shape a child’s approach to challenges and relationships.
The Unintentional Gaps
But alongside these gifts, there are gaps. These gaps are often unintentional and arise from the complexities of life or the limitations parents themselves face. Maybe they were too busy working to spend as much time with us as they wanted. Perhaps their own upbringing left them with emotional blind spots—areas where they couldn’t fully meet our needs.
These gaps might look like:
- A parent who was loving but avoided discussing difficult emotions, leaving us unsure of how to handle our own.
- A parent who supported us materially but struggled to express affection.
- A parent who provided structure but lacked flexibility, making us wary of taking risks.
How These Gifts and Gaps Shape Us
The gifts and gaps we inherit from our parents don’t just stay in the past—they weave into the fabric of our lives. The gifts can become strengths that carry us through challenges and enable us to thrive. But the gaps? They often show up as areas of struggle or unfulfilled emotional needs.
For example, someone who grew up in a family that avoided conflict might become skilled at keeping the peace—but may also find it hard to assert their needs. Another person whose parent gave them freedom but little guidance might excel at independence but struggle with feeling unsupported.
Filling the Gaps
The good news is that we don’t have to let these gaps define us. As adults, we have the opportunity to reflect on our experiences and work to fill these gaps ourselves. This might involve:
- Learning to express and process emotions in ways our parents couldn’t model for us.
- Seeking out relationships that provide the support or affirmation we missed.
- Gaining self-awareness through therapy, self-help, or introspection to understand how our upbringing shapes us.
Gratitude and Compassion
Recognizing the gifts and gaps our parents leave us can be a powerful exercise in gratitude and compassion. It allows us to appreciate the ways they shaped us for the better, while also acknowledging their humanity and the challenges they faced. It can also help us approach our own parenting—or other relationships—with greater intention and awareness.
Ultimately, our parents give us the starting points of our emotional journey. What we do with those gifts and gaps is up to us. By honouring both, we can find healing and growth, and perhaps even pass on a more balanced legacy to the next generation.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this post! If you found it helpful, I’d be incredibly grateful if you’d consider sharing it with others—it’s a small gesture that means a lot. Thank you for being here!
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With gratitude,
Lavinia
Therapist & Life Coach
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