Rebuilding Trust After a Breakdown: A Guide for Couples Who Still Love Each Other

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So, the trust has taken a knock. Maybe it was a big argument that spiralled, a mistake that hurt, or simply a build-up of small things left unsaid. Whatever the cause, here you are - still together, still loving each other… but a little bruised.

If you’ve ever broken your favourite mug and then glued it back together, you’ll know it’s never quite the same - but it can still hold tea beautifully. Relationships are a bit like that. The cracks don’t always vanish, but with care, they can become part of your shared story rather than the end of it. ☕❤️

1. Acknowledge the Elephant in the Room 🐘

You can’t rebuild trust if you’re pretending everything is fine. Yes, it might feel awkward. Yes, one of you might prefer to sweep it under the rug (which is already lumpy from all the other stuff you’ve put there). But naming the problem is the first step towards fixing it.

2. Listen Like You’re Not Just Waiting to Speak🎧

We humans are great at half-listening - nodding while secretly rehearsing our killer comeback. But rebuilding trust needs more than that. Try listening with the aim of understanding, not defending. You don’t have to agree with everything your partner says, but you do need to hear it.

3. Take Ownership (Even if It’s Uncomfortable)🙋

If you’ve made a mistake, own it. If you’re on the hurt side, express that clearly without launching into a character assassination. Blame keeps the cycle spinning; responsibility opens the door to change. And yes, I know “sorry” is a small word, but it can be huge when said sincerely.

4. Make Small Promises - and Keep Them 📆

Grand gestures are lovely, but trust grows through small, consistent actions. If you say you’ll text when you get there, do it. If you promise to be home by 7, aim for 6:59. These little follow-throughs tell your partner, “You can rely on me,” far more than one big, dramatic apology.

5. Find Joy Together Again 🎉

It’s easy to get stuck in “fix-it” mode, talking endlessly about the problem. But relationships also need fun. Go somewhere new, cook something together, share that ridiculous meme you know will make them laugh. Joy is the glue that makes the hard conversations worth it.

6. Be Patient - Trust Is a Slow Grower 🌱

Think of trust like a plant: easy to neglect, slow to grow, and quick to wilt if you stomp on it. You can’t rush it. But if you water it with kindness, consistency, and a bit of humour, you’ll be surprised how resilient it can be.

Takeaway 📝

If you still love each other, rebuilding trust is worth the effort. It’s not about erasing the past but creating a future where both of you feel safe, seen, and valued. You don’t need to be perfect - you just need to keep showing up, doing the work, and remembering why you chose each other in the first place.

And if all else fails… make the tea, offer the biscuit, and talk it through. Sometimes the smallest acts of care speak the loudest. ☕🍪

Thank you for taking the time to read this newsletter.I hope it offered something useful or thought-provoking for your day. If you found it helpful, I’d really appreciate it if you shared it with someone who might benefit from it too. It's a simple way to show care and support for those around you.

Really glad to have you here - see you next time!

With gratitude,

Lavinia

Psychotherapist & Curious Human